Thanks and sorry you're here too. This is actually a bad mixed episode although today it seems like I had my depressed time earlier and now I'm more manic instead of the constant pingpong game in my head that I've been having.

My pdoc knows. It's a long, boring story but I'm waiting to go IP to get a major med change but there are some issues with the hospital and so it hasn't gone very far yet. And I'm going on a last-ditch med; I don't have anything really to add in now that hasn't been tried. I left a message asking if there was ANYTHING until this works out but I didn't hear anything yet.

I probably should go clean or something but I'm just tired enough from my meds that I think I might get to the point I can take valium and sleep sometime soon. I have this loop going in my head about the valium. If I take it I get some sleep and am more relaxed the next day and so even though I know that I'm taking it properly and my pdoc is fine with me using it this way (and that the carryover the next day is GOOD) my brain has decided it is too good. I've used valium as a PRN during bad episodes before and never had problesm; I don't know why my head thinks this time is different. Maybe I think I'm not supposed to get more relaxed times. I don't know.

I just wish it would stop.