Since my T has been away a lot has happened in my personal life and I feel as though am under a tremendous amount of pressure. I suppose that part of this pressure is there because I have not had my conversations with T to slowly release some of the pain that has built up. So, the results are incredibly strong urges to SI. I have also been overeating. The cycle completes with a self-hatred for having these thoughts and a hatred of T for being away.

I think when I wake up I will go on the treadmill. I also noticed in another thread, that someone uses massage therapy as a physical release and that is an awesome idea--I can use the money I would have spent on T this week (of course insurance won't reimburse me for this one). I say it but I don't think I'll do it. Maybe I'm trying to convince myself.

I am stuck in my head with my thoughts.