I completely understand C2015. I spent until I was 36, living at home and feeling mostly numb and unloved. I don't know precisely what started my moving after all those years. I suspect hypomania played a part. But it was more than that.
I realized several important truths.
1. If I was unhappy with my life, it was mine and mine alone to change.
2. That I actually was unloved. The worst thing I ever considered possible was true...and a relief to admit. Living two mentally ill parents who refused treatment for themselves and me as a teen just wanted me to be pliable to their needs. That was making me worse.
3. Time was passing and if anything was going to ever be different I needed to start working on it today in any and every way I could.
I explored anything I could to improve my life. Not everything worked but I was doing something. The fog slowly over the last 3 years lifted. That was what worked for me. My life isn't perfect. I'm not perfect. I have bad days. I get frustrated. I am however free and at times lonely. But I am more awake and healthier than in many years.
I tell my story only in hopes you might see that there are different paths. New life and a better tomorrow is possible.