I'm a 15 year old guy. When I was 9-12 maybe even 13 a little bit. I think I was sexually abused. My mom and dad are divorced. My mom has custody and I visited my dad every other week. Well he had a girlfriend with a son from a previous relationship. They never married but he was essentially a step brother. My dad and his girlfriends kids lived together. My dad lived in a city with them and I lived in a small town with my mom 60 miles away from the city. So every other weekend my dad picked me up and took me to his house with his girlfriend and her kids. Anyway It went like that for like 5 years before they split because of relationship issues. I was so little everything is so vague I don't remember how it started out and I was so little. But this step brother was like a year older anyway we did sexual stuff. He sucked my penis without me asking and then he expected me to suck his back so I did. But I wasn't threatened in anyway or physically forced. I feel so gay and dirty but I'm not. I have another brother it happened to but it only happened once. My brother is 17 now and this kid is 16. But my brother threw up and he never did anything else. But this kid and me kept doing things. I don't know whether it was rape or not. I was sent to a residential treatment center for anger issues because I have ADHD and bi polar when I was 12 by my mom. I told them when I was there what happened (noone else knew except me and my brother). I was there for 7 months and released and I got to see my family for the first time. My mom and brother talked about it when I was in there because I told my mom when I was there. I or my brother haven't talked about it since and I don't know if I've dealt with it yet or not. My big question was I raped. I was innocent, I didn't know anything about sexual things or what we were doing. He found a porn movie and he would put it on every once and a while. I haven't talked to my dad in like 2 years because it happened at his house. He and her aren't together. But its not my dad's fault he didn't know about what happened. I recently started messaging him and I don't even know if he knows because the treatment center was in another state and we didn't press charges etc. But I think that they told the police where it happened and they told my dad I think. But I don't even know. Was I raped? I don't know. He new what we were doing I think. It makes me feel like I can never have any sexual experience s because of this. Please help