I had a lot to say yesterday, as is often the case. I went on for awhile and then T stopped me. She said it didn't seem like I was really present with her, and when I leave, I won't feel connected. She had me look around the room, then look at her, and asked me how I felt looking at her. I was self-conscious. She had me do this about 4 times. I just wanted to continue talking.

She said that I probably do this in real life too. I do. If I go on and on, it's not a conversation. She said I need to let the other person talk too. So I slowed down and looked at her. I did feel more connected but I was blushing. I didn't feel any attraction to her yesterday but she said it might be the shame of her looking at me when I'm looking at her. She thinks it's important and has to do with my sexual issues.

T also commented on the way I reacted to a question she asked me. Again, she said she was telling me because she thinks I might turn people off if I react in that kind of angry manner.

So the session was different from what I planned, which is okay, except I feel like T criticized me too much. I know what she told me was true, and I ought to be ready to hear it. Still, I feel unsettled about it. We also forgot to hug before I left, but that was my fault because I didn't initiate it like I always do. She was looking at my painting on my phone and it was 5 minutes past the ending time, so I left quickly without the hug.

My T rarely points out my negative social skills. I feel like she punished me.