I have a really hard time when this happens because I had a best friend, my college roommate and person who I thought for a long time was the best-matched friend I would ever know, who decided the first winter I was being treated for bipolar that I was doing it all wrong. I was in a clinical trial and very likely on a placebo and was suicidal and lying to get out of hospitalization and she chose to come to my apartment and tell me all the ways I was living my life wrong (in actions, faith, even seeing a therapist), right down to how another friend only was my friend because he felt sorry for me. She had a 4 or 5 page letter written out of all the ways I was living my life wrong. And I thanked her. I was hurt within a day and even had to take a day off work but it took months to really understand how wrong she was and to be well enough to start to deal with it. When confronted about how she had risked my life doing that when she knew I was suicidal she told me "it was a risk I had to take". My life. It took me about a year to tell her that our friendship was over, even though it was clearly done long before that.

It took YEARS before I spent about 2 months discussing it to death with my current therapist and then I was able to delete the original, shred my copy and believe that she was truly wrong and pretty cruel in the whole thing. But I still miss her, 13 years later, as dumb as that is. I have her and her husband blocked on facebook and every so often I'll see where one of them has commented on a mutual friend's page but the comment is blocked to me and I'll know it is them again.

I just always hate it that I can't be a better friend, that I can't always stand up for myself and remind people that hey, I'm still here and just because I'm quiet doesn't mean go away, I'm SICK. But I know they are tired of hearing I am sick.

So am I.