One thing that I hope you will learn is the difference between being used or abused by someone in authority who was able to convince you to trust him, and you didn't know that he was wrong and it would hurt you, vs a situation where you know there is a problem and make hurtful decisions. It is tempting to look at the past from where you are now, and think that you were weak or otherwise criticise yourself. But you were not the same person then that you are now, and it's not a fair judgement. To answer your question from another thread, no, it wasn't your fault. I could tell you not to feel guilty, but it won't change anything for me to tell you that, because you feel what you feel. You will be able to change your feelings by working through them, and I hope that your research helps with that, and also that you are able to find an ethical therapist who will help you work through it too.

Another point I would like you to consider is that although you have been hurt, you have learned from the experience, and it isn't going to happen to you again because now you have the power to keep yourself safe. Yes, we can learn from our hurts, and emerge stronger and more able to help others. It is heartening that you are able to see that possibility.

TC,
Rap