By the way I spend a lot of time worrying about the planet & future of humanity & my children. And try to explain the sorrow I feel to friends they don't get it. They are good earth conscious people but somehow they can stay calm in their head with what we are facing. I went to the ocean the other day and it was intense. I went on a long walk with my friend and tried to explain to her how strange it felt to me to be ok in this moment. I felt like mama ocean had the power to transmute all our pain, and I don't mean in a dooms day way, I felt it in a beautiful metaphysical way. My mind had slowed down just enough for me to understand that. Coming out of that evil mania where I was so paranoid I thought I'd been cursed by someone, coming out of that just now made me see the sunlight on the water in such a different way. Maybe my point is things are sometimes less black & white than we see them while in an episode. And I'm going to go back to mindfulness therapy which will hopefully help me find that inner balance.