It is said that "mentall illness runs in the family"; I'm not sure if that's popular belief or there's any credible research into that.

The fact is everyone in my family has a mental illness, and anger issues. My sister, she screwed up so many opportunities in her life because of her anger, it's unbelievable. From what I remember when she was a teenager, she always tried desperately to be popular amongst friends, and ended up doing things that attracted the wrong kind of attention instead. By not achieving what she believed was the best for her over the years, she became increasingly angry and frustrated. She's in her 50's now and hasn't changed much...

Last I heard of my sister's son (my nephew), two years ago he broke a finger after punching a wall at work, and was fired six months later because of his behaviour.

My father always had a short fuse and was explosive to touch. My mother would express her anger by being cruel and vindictive. Me? Well, being a man I ended up leaning from life how to behave the hard way, and today I manage to control myself and count to 10.

You said you're working on your personal development, that's a good thing, keep that up.

But one thing for sure, you cannot become what others are, and you cannot mimic what you admire on others. It's good to have a goal to achieve, but you gotta be careful not to set unrealistic expectations based on what you believe it's the "perfect life".

I always looked up on friends and acquaintances and wished I had their kind of life, I wished I could be the kind of cool, chilled out people that they were and be as popular as they were, a "people magnet" everyone would be attracted to.

I discovered I never was, and never will be like that. My attitude and the kind of energy I have, it just deflects people, it pushes them away.

While learning that did not improve me in any way, I least now I understand and accept myself. And sometimes that's just what a person needs to do.