What if the therapeutic relationship is like a drug for me and t letting me come more often is just feeding my addiction?! Why can't I find once and for all what I have with her, within myself?! Whoa halt put the brakes on wait just a cotton pickin' minute is that what she's been doing all along, being that 'clean mirror' as she used to say so I see myself as I really am when I'm there and eventually I'm going to believe it and internalize it so that I feel the same way outside of her office as I do when I'm there? Is that what she's doing?

I've been looking at these old pictures my brother sent and just staring deeply at the me in them and thinking I wish I could go back in time somehow and give that me such a big hug and somehow make things better for her. I remember so clearly being that age and how I felt like such an ugly freak, such an outsider, so stupid and dumb and worthless...

I need to go to work. I think I'm going to bring a couple of those pics with me today to show t after work. Later couchies have a good day/night everyone.