I have. She did contact me last night after a few months of nothing so I guess it is ok. I just think she doesn't understand how hard initiation is for me at the moment, even though I've talked about it. And honestly people have seen me through some really bad episodes and think this is like those and it isn't but in their minds I can do what I've done before. And to me the illness is all there is because it is just so huge right now. It's too much to try to explain to other people; I can barely explain to myself. But I guess they either get it, forgive it without understanding or that's it because I'm doing the best I can do.