Outstanding. Really. I'm impressed. It's exceedingly rare to have someone look to themselves for the answer in a relationship instead of their partner, and yet, we're the only one we can change.
So, with that said, I think I understand. Though our situations are somewhat difference in cause, I too am in a sexless marriage.
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Originally Posted by Webgoji
The problem is mine, not her's. Problems are internal and not external and it's my reaction to the situation that's the issue for me. Her needs and wants are being fulfilled, thus Mrs. Webgoji doesn't have a problem.
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My thoughts verbatim. In fact, I thought you have cut and pasted from my head until I read Mrs. Webgoji instead of Mrs. Yagr. I completely understand the desire for the emotional connection through physical intimacy that you described. It extends beyond sex for me. My wife is taking a nap at the moment, and the dog is curled up with her and they are cuddling. The one hundred forty pound mutt drapes himself over her while she is watching television, eating, sleeping...there is no room for me. This meets her needs for physical intimacy or connection with another living being and keeps her feeling safe. Physical intimacy with another human being has never been safe for her and so, it's uncomfortable.
I get it. Doesn't mean I don't have moments when I don't struggle with misplaced resentment toward the dog.
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Originally Posted by Webgoji
Avoid further frustrating myself. Over the past year-plus, I've tried everything from hand-written love letters to romantic evenings to chocolates on the pillow ... you name it. But I'm only serving to further my own frustration. It's better to redirect my emotional energy somewhere else. Like writing or video games.
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Might I suggest that the reason for your furthering your own frustrations with these efforts is becomes of the expectation that these efforts might lead somewhere? Lose the expectations and they simply become manifestations and expressions of your love for her. Easier said than done, I know.
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Originally Posted by Webgoji
The reason we get frustrated and angry is because we expect a situation to be something other than what it is. Our situation is not one of lovers anymore, but ... domestic partners. I have to accept that or else I'm just struggling against reality.
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*nods* I'm afraid I don't have much to offer but wanted you to know that you are not alone and that it does get easier with time.