Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeybrains21
i really relate to B. for a bit i thought bipolar since i have some signs but it just doesnt fit, at least not the past 7 years. i agree with the depression and anxiety im being treated for but i think they are just symptoms of something deeper. i feel i dont deserve a dx of PTSD although i most definetly fit it. i just cant get my brain to accept it and to accept whjat happened to me as out of my control and something i so didnt want.
my wife always complains im distracted. i have zillions of thinghs running through myu head and cant grasp one. so instead i zone out and believe im somewhere else and someone else doing whatever or i zone into video games and just leave reality all together. my T is aware of this and she says its how i cope with stress and bad stuff that come up. and its way better than drinking, using blow, smoking or SI.
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I haven't heard somebody say "blow" since I was doing it, jajaja. I can almost
taste it. Weird. That hasn't happened in a while.
Sorry, being serious now. I think a lot of people really want a tidy diagnosis that explains everything they're experiencing, and it can be sort of disappointing and frustrating when we find we don't quite "fit" the clinical model.
I you feel your depression and anxiety are part of something deeper, and you also have this PTSD diagnosis, maybe it makes sense to think of the trauma as being the deeper thing? I think it's pretty common to downplay trauma to cope, to say "it wasn't that bad" and that "others had it worse" (as if there's some sort of competition for the My Life Was Hardest Award and nobody wants to win it!)
If you haven't already read up on PTSD (or just call it trauma if you're uncomfortable with the label) I'd encourage you to. You might find that it accounts for things you never thought had anything to do with it--the alternating between racing thoughts and then zoning out sounds like a dissociate response common in people who've experienced trauma--whether or not they consider the trauma "bad" enough to warrant a PTSD diagnosis.
I think it sounds like you're tying really hard in your therapy--I know the mood tracking doesn't sound very easy or fun, but I'm glad for you that you're doing it. I hope you find a way to ask your care team about a diagnosis.
Good luck!