Apparently I am manic or something from what my pcp and T say. I agree haven't slept much, hostile, wanting to SI, hallucinations, impulsivity, lack of judgement, crying for hours on end, instant gratification, impatience, decreased appetite, etc, etc. Anyway I had unprotected sex with this guy who I've been with before but I know that's still not wise. I am on BC but still I know and acknowledged later the threat of stds. I was kinda caught up in the moment and didn't realize he didn't have a condom on. Anyway, my sex drive seems to be going nuts right now. I don't really know what to do about it; I mean I know what I want to do but it's not a good idea obviously.... I don't feel I can masturbate bc of my abuser would masturbate in front of me for whatever reason; so it just really freaks me out to see anyone masturbate and will not even consider satisfying myself in this manner.... Any ideas?