oh my effing g, i think i just had a major realization. i hate when these happen after i've left t. i refuse to let myself email her even though i want to. what i just realized is this:

I told her today (for about the millionth time) that I don't WANT to need her. And I realized why just now. Because in my mind, needing her gives her power over me. Like when I was a kid and I needed my parents to survive even though blablabla. I needed them for food and shelter so they held that power over me. holy sheepfrogs.