I think it definitely could be something parental. What do you mean, "from a young place?" My therapist told me that I am like an empty bucket, that the love i get is never enough because of the hole at the bottom from my parents, so that the water always falls through. So I know that I have parental issues that get acted out in therapy, like sometimes my mom doesn't listen when I try to share something meaningful with her and I end up going to therapy and in the middle of my conversation I'm asking T if he's bored because he looks bored. And he says no, that he's just listening. The same with my dad - sometimes he uses guilt to get me to do things, classic: if you don't do this you don't love me, growing up, or "you cut your hair again!?," not appreciating that I am expressing myself. So T will go out of way to say, compliment my haircut and say that it looks like his. So I think that T is very attentive and kind.

But I don't understand this bit where I'm sitting there, feeling misunderstood, and I'm fidgeting but I don't want to leave, I want T to ask me what's wrong and maybe even offer an explanation. Maybe I just don't know who T is and what he means to me because I get so confused by older folks in positions of authority, like professors or therapists, like I can't tell what they want from me and why they are complimenting me or sending me their articles, and I feel constantly like I need to say something that pleases them. Maybe I am mirroring all the things I do with my parents, like maybe my parents need me to be a certain way for their sake, rather than seeing me as a whole person, and so I have a tendency just to want to be something for T and I don't know how to handle not knowing what to say and then them leaving it at that.