Quote:
Originally Posted by Walking Man
Thank you all.
I've been seeing her for almost 6 months.
Yes, she does remind me of my mom. It's not as much her personally as her responses in therapy.
My mom was never available emotionally, she was never affectionate, and didn't give me the support I needed. My therapist understands this. I've never really had anyone who was there for me in that way. When my therapist tells me I'm thinking about something the wrong way, without sufficiently acknowledging how I feel, it just reminds me of my mom telling me how to fix my problem, or to just deal with it, rather than comforting me.
I know my therapist is quite willing to see me, and wants to help me in her way. However, I feel like that she is not there for me in a more personal and emotional way. I don't know how that works, with boundaries and all, but I do feel like I'm being kept a a distance in a way that seems unnecessary.
I have tried talking about it. I've tried explaining that sometimes when I'm in pain I express it in obscure ways, and I've tried being more explicit about how I feel. I tried telling her that she needs to be gentle with me. I've tried telling her when I'm frustrated. I'm afraid of being more direct.
She does better when I get more emotional and express myself in emotive terms, but she doesn't seem to help me to do that. She will ask me vague things like, "What do I want to talk about?", but I'm left on my own to figure out how to do it.
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I am sorry you're feeling so frustrated and not getting what you need. It may not be transference, but once I acknowledged the transference with my T, s/he didn't act any differently, I had to figure out how to relate to T to get what I needed. That being said, it may not be transference - not everything that goes on in therapy is. Not all Ts, but most, will ask what you want to talk about; this is your therapy and they want you to dive in with whatever is on your mind. Try not to think about that beginning sentence...if you've been thinking about how invalidating your mother was, just say, "Mom didn't validate how I felt or what I did. That hurt my feelings." Or some such thing. It can sometimes seem like you're beginning in the middle of a story with no lead-in, but it's the beginning that counts. The story will tell itself as you go on.
When I was about a month in, I was struggling much like you are now. My T looked straight at me and said, "You didn't know therapy would be this hard, did you?" That was something I needed to hear; that s/he understood I was struggling. I'm just trying to get a feel for what you're stuck on so that you and your T can communicate better and you get what you need. My T won't take the lead in sessions - I'm on my own with topics to talk about. I hope with a little more time, you'll start feeling more comfortable and your T will respond as you want her to.
