You are dealing with SO much right now. I'm amazed at how pulled together you are about all of it -- many kudos to you.

I also don't get why there'd be no report on file by the police. But I don't really know much about how this stuff works -- hopefully someone who knows more can chime in -- but it never ceases to amaze me how much people who are victims of DV are left out in the cold, when they are so damn vulnerable. Makes me mad.

I get why you wouldn't want to confront T about your suspicions regarding why he's suddenly pushing meds. While I think your suspicion is perfectly reasonable, and makes a lot of sense, it's really hard to accuse someone of such a thing, especially when you're unsure. Hopefully you can tell him you want to wait on the meds since that would be a big change, and then drag that out long enough for you to finally talk to this physician in March.

Aside from them being expensive and money being tight, I also probably wouldn't see someone in his inner circle just because you run the risk of someone not wanting to go against his judgment because they have a personal connection. It's stupid that that's how this can work, but I think we all know that that's how it is sometimes.

I've also had issues with my T (of 9 years) at points in his life where something personal was getting in the way of his judgment as a therapist. Obviously I like him a lot and do think he helps me if I've been seeing him that long! But it's added an extra dimension of pain and frustration when there's this THING on top of whatever else I'm dealing with. I even left for a few months when things got really bad -- but I lucked out with great insurance coverage for that.

And it's pretty crappy that you have this part of your life -- menopause -- that's clearly affecting you and affecting the way you are in therapy, that you feel you can't talk about because he's not accepting it. I hope you can occasionally bring it up and maybe he'll come around when things clear up more for him. I had a similar experience around a miscarriage... talking about it with my T went really badly at first, which was like a punch in the gut.

I'm sorry that seeing someone else is just not an option by now. I hope you're able to ride it out -- but I also hope that if it gets really bad you aren't in any way inhibited by fear of not finding another T that works well with you. That's never a good reason to stay.

Sending good vibes your way.