I honestly don't know which forum this really belongs in. I just diagnosed bipolar 2 in December, so I thought here made as much sense as anywhere.

Background: for the last 17 years I have been on antidepressants and a variety of other psych meds for severe depression. Basically I spent the last 17 years in a fog. About 3 years ago, the hypomania began and it woke me up. Something akin to getting kicked in the behind... A lot. For the first time in probably 17 years I am properly medicated and feeling both stable and alert.

The problem is personal abuse issues that were suppressed for most of my life are bubbling up. It scares me. I have a great working relationship with my newish (since February therapist) and I do tell her the truth. But she can't be with me all the time. She is leaving on vacation in a couple weeks. She'll only be gone a week. It's good for me probably. I know she will say I can and need to handle things myself. She is big on me taking care of me and not being dependent. But I am terrified. I only out of inpatient hospital just over a month ago.

I feel like I can't control when these issues come up. I'm not raging at anyone now that I am properly medicate. But I am still testy and annoyed easily. I keep going with conversations that it would be best to drop that create tense situations. I am not currently in contact with the abusers. So my anger keeps leaking out onto innocent bystanders.

I want to be free of all this repressed emotion, but I am simultaneously terrified it will burst forth and devour me or that I will never be able to root it out. I don't like being angry. I loathe rage. I don't want to feel bad stuff.

I don't actually know what I specifically asking. Maybe not to be scared.