Such sad thoughts Please don't put so much pressure on yourself.

My T tells me that people usually never see how much you hate yourself, so use that to your advantage. I'm not saying you should always put on a facade and act all confident, but know that 99% of the time people won't be wondering at all about the things they could possibly dislike about you. I think if you asked any random person on the street if they wanted you to die, they would say no. I think most people would want you to find peace and live a good life. Maybe I am being naive, but I am speaking for myself, if not for your parents and your T as well.

Speaking of your T, yes he/she is being paid to do it, but that is not the only reason why they are doing it. If they didn't WANT to help you or anyone in general, they could easily find a higher paid job.

You are not being so self-centered. You are thinking and feelings things that need to be. Yes, they concern you, but you are hurting and need to be concerned about yourself. Besides, you say you want to be a good daughter and friend, which is not so self-centered!

I hope you have better days. Remember that things are going to be okay and that everyday is a new day to start over