IMHO if he put any part of him, in any part of you, and you didn't want it to happen, then that is rape.

Either way it is just semantics. Someone touched you and made you do stuff you didn't want to when you were a young child. That has had knock on effects on your self esteem and family relationships as an adult - and it sounds like you need help to process everything that happened to you. I hope you get the help you need x