I haven't been in hospital so I can't say what it's like. Maybe someone else on PC can help out there. I was in a partial hospitalisation program (you go home at night). People in the program who felt suicidal or 'unsafe' would spend a few nights in the hospital. They all seemed fine about it when they came back, except for one negative report about one hospital - the other three I know about are good. If you're anywhere near Boston in MA, Mass General and McLean are meant to be excellent. Your therapist will probably be able to recommend somewhere.

I think the general attitude in hospitals is that you work with your case manager to decide when you are OK to go home. I suspect you would be on a locked ward but this doesn't mean you are going to be locked up and they will throw away the key! The staff need to know who is coming and going - or else why be there to be safe in the first place. The people who came back to the partial program from the hospital still had thoughts about suicide but felt in less imminent danger of doing anything to themselves. You'll only be there until you feel safer.

It sounds like your husband realises you're struggling. Have you talked to him about it? Your family just want to keep you safe, but I can understand you wanting to be alone.

I'd strongly encourage you to go see your therapist as soon as you can. It's great that he's realised the gravity of the situation and will see you sooner. Would it help if you just talked about how you feel right now and not about all the stuff that caused it? I imagine just telling him about your struggle to go on will help you emotionally. If you decide not to go in the hospital he may be able to see you more often to keep you afloat. Maybe just being there with him will help.

I think alot of people here feel like that " I don't want to live, but am afraid to die". I'm afraid to die, and when I really acknowledge it I know it would destroy my parents and my sister if I killed myself. One of my friends said she couldn't see the point in working or doing anything in life because there's no point in living. My reponse was that if she couldn't kill herself, then she at least needed to be earning money or life would be far more unbearable. The moral of this story is that, harsh though it sounds, if you are alive right now you need to find a way to make it more comfortable (without the danger of killing yourself with vicodin!) It seems to me that getting support from your therapist and/or a hospital would be the way to go. What do you think?

Hang on in there,
Debbie