Defying Gravity, you are not alone. I have lived much trauma and PTSD, and i struggle with memories which i have suppressed. What we tend to do is rationalize or try to figure out the blank spots where the memory is missing. That can lead us to false assumptions which we can mistake for reality. That is what counseling is there for, to help us process it out and find what is fact and what is assumption. That does not necessarily mean one is illusional so don't be so hard on yourself. Especially if people lied to us in the past to believe something wasn't true to cover their actions. This is worth thinking about with your therapist. Journal the thoughts, questions, and read them next time in therapy. It will help you tremendously. blessings and tc