I'm sure you've discussed this with your T, but is there ANY way you can get some time to yourself? It sounds like you need a regular break from everything so you're not so wound up and tired and angry. Maybe DBT would help - learning how to put yourself before others at least some of the time, and how to do nice things for yourself. Even just deciding what those nice things might be. I did a partial hospitalisation program where we did DBT and it helped me loads. If you're as hard to be around as you think you are, maybe your family could see the benefit of looking after the kids while you do it? (I don't mean that facetiously). There are also support groups for people with different levels of functioning. i.e. +/- job, social life etc. maybe in one of those you could join others in finding a way to get out of the rut.