Uhm, this post arouses conflicting feelings in me. I can feel your suffering, and I'm sorry because I know what you mean.
On the other hand I feel like criticizing you on a few points...
But I wish to be of help... so I'll tell you that I really believe that your central issue is rejection. You complain being rejected, are scared of it, but you keep making yourself rejectable. You mentioned meds, but what about psychotherapy? I suggest that you address the issue of rejection in therapy.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm trying to say what I feel may be useful, frankly and openly.