Hey Moon. It's very common to idealize your T-- I feel the same way with mine. I go through periods of both idealizing and hating him.... Extremes... I think what you might be struggling with (at a much, much earlier time than I did in my therapy) is the realization that while T often seems like an ideal, she is also a real person. A real person who cares. I am just beginning to sort through this stuff in my therapy. Hang in there, Dustin. You are doing the work. It's hard, it hurts, sometimes it sucks baaaad. I know.