well ive been up for a little over 34 hours straight now [it's 8:00 pm]. the not sleeping was fun, as usual. but a lot of bad stuff has been building up around my best friend and us this past year and theres too much going on to tell. today we sort of got in a fight/discussion/blow up over everything [on the phone]. it was bad and stuff and especially with other things. then i said something stupid. the truth. and she said something final. the truth. it was like being put into a pressure chamber or something. that was it. my life has no meaning now. theres no point to living. i dont know if we can ever go back to normal. and she is my life. i feel like im dying.