RHapsody, I read your post, because i wanted to return the favor as well as well i have also been experiencign depression. I do not know if you see a therapist nor anything of that sort, but these thoughts are definitely worht talking over. I read your profile and reserached some of the big words i didnt understand like Meinieres disesease which i belive has something to do with your inner ear, but stumbled up the fact of post-traumatic stress because of abuse. That generally can take the abused their whole entire life to get over
the problems that come with that, it seems youve had to deal with a lot and youve been weighted down by that, i had to deal with quite a bit, such as gang violence (which was strange because of the neighborhood i grew up in) which caused me to get in fights at an early age which is probably why i have the obsession for boxing/mixed martial arts. but anyways, what im trying to say is finding an outlet, such as for me, working out, always helps at least escape or focus your pain. like when im boxing, for those 10 rounds or less, i feel alive (althought it does hurt the next morning!!!!). However, you might feel pain, but what im saying is find an outlet. YOur children are getting older as well if they are 18 and 23 i belive u said, and youll need something to fill the days with when they are away at school, i dont know if you like motherly things like Knitting or whatever, (my grandmother loves quiliting so) or get involved with things that you can get involved with.

that would gigve more purpose because i remember my parents fighting about how my mom was depressed because she didnt feel she had any purpose anymore and didnt want to deal with certain situations.

find the outlet, that should help