I have done the whole psychotherapy, I have seen psychotherapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, therapists, and professional counselor for the last 12 years along with medication after medication. I do have a big issue with being rejected because my entire life I have been rejected by my father, grandfather, boyfriends, friends, and peers because I'm different or at least that is what people have told me. I used to think I was relatively normal just depressed. But the past several years I have learned that I do have problems that go far beyond my depression. Now my caseworker wants to put me into an Anger Management Group, in which I am seriously leary of because I have social anxiety disorder. My T suggested I should check myself into a Crisis Center and get my medication adjusted so I talked to my family about watching my kids and they told me they wouldn't do it. It isn't only the depression, feeling rejected, but the anger, self hatred, the mood swings, I have episodes of mania usually every other day, my moods are severely unstable even though I am on a mood stablizer, I have all of these irrational fears, psychosis that the T said was due to depression, no self esteem, panic attacks, erratic thoughts, going from sleeping 20 hours a day to not sleeping for 3 to 4 days, not being able to concentrate, racing thoughts, and social fears. It is all becoming too much for me to deal with. The Psych stuck me on Topamax and Vistaril(I had to quit taking because it set me into mania). I have been fighting with all of this for over 7 years now and it has only seems to be getting worse. The docs tell me when I get mad to go for a walk but that only causes me to get even more angry. I can't get a straight answer from these doctors on what they think is wrong with me and that drives me nuts because then I sit around and wonder if there is something wrong and they don't want to tell me. They just keep telling me that they don't want to put me on anti depressants because that could trigger worse symptoms. I'm just so tired of dealing with this. I have worn myself down to the point I don't go out of my comfort zone which is mainly to doctor appointments. I'm not comfortable at all in social situations or being around people. Most days I snap at the drop of a hat because I am so irritable. Then my caseworker wants to start socializing me with people, I am not sure I can do that. Just going to the grocery store causes me to go into panic attacks to the point I have an asthma attack. I hate being around others. Up until 3 years ago, I could tolerate being around people but it's to the point I just can't do it anymore. My kid's dad and most of my family tell me I am crazy and I need to snap out of it but I can't. It is like fighting a losing battle. So as always I sleep days away and hide in my home on the computer. I'm just glad there is a place like this where someone actually listens and can understand.