We all feel shame differently. I feel so ashamed about my sexuality that I keep my head down and avoid contact with others. For years I have punished myself and displaced that shame and internalised it. It's not my fault I am gay and it's not your fault you did the things you did, it takes two to tango and you were the vulnerable one in the therapeutic relationship. You were violated and that in itself brings up feelings of shame. Is there a way that you can see that this shame doesn't belong to you? Not all of it anyway!
I don't think you are stupid or gross, you were the victim of a master manipulator who abused his power

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