I'm feeling completely jazzed yet entirely suicidal. I think I might be mixed today. I want to run around the block and then in front of a car. This is impossible. I haven't been mixed since I started Invega. No no no please no.

But it's not as bad as usual...I will be ok. I will. I just have to wait for this to pass. It will pass. It will.

I just wish my husband were here to take care of me. It's so hard doing it on my own. I have my mom and she's great but it's not the same.

Ok here's my game plan. I took a shower so that's good. To calm down I will watch a movie, pitch perfect 2, a comedy. When my mom takes my son I will go get my hair cut. The. I will go to the store to buy new shoes. By then my mom will probably be on her way home. Today sometime I will tell my mom what's going on so she can keep an eye on me. And I will breathe. And I will use my coloring book if I need to. I will not hurt myself. I will hold on till Tuesday when I see my pnurse. If she recommends taking time off...I dunno. I might. We'll see. Just the thought of going to work tomorrow is causing my heart to pound. But it should be ok. Maybe the kids won't be that bad. I have to think positive.

I'm going to pull out all my coping skills to get through this. I am strong. I can do this.