thank you for the responses. i texted my T some of what i wrote here. about him thinking im gross, probably never hug me again, etc. he said oh my goshhhhhh stop! that is not true. i told him i feel like telling him every little disgusting detail so he will finally tell me im gross and then i can . he said it will be ok and just breathe and tell myself its temporary. i told him Ok. but honestly, i dunno...i wanna go to sleep for a very long time