My husband has been dx'ed with ADHD just over a year ago (he is now 55). A violent behavior has only showed up 1 or 2 times over the 32 years we have been married...when he was just too frustrated with the situation he was in. I can definietly understand your issues. I have actually gotten to the point where I am getting separated.

It's kinds like a weed seed. I saw the things I didn't want to be married to 32 years ago, but thought he would grow up. As the years went by, the little things just continued to anoy & anoy me more & more as the seeds grew into weeds. The things I am finding that are frustrating are just attitudes mostly, nothing physical. I am just to exhausted with the anoying behaviors that I can't tolerate it anymore. Irresponsible spending, argueing with everything that is said, always knowing everything even when he doesn't, asking questions when the answers are so obvious even a child would know. He has a very high IQ & has always thought he was so much smarter than everyone else. Throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way. I think the most irritating thing is that he feels like the world owes him everything & he doesn't have to do anything....things should just be handed to him. He wants to just get by & not put any effort into making a successful life. When he is asked why he does something or why he thinks something, it is always "I don't know". There are a million irritating things that even though I now know what the cause is now, I can't deal with it any longer. The weeds are now choking out any possibility of anything existing.

The other problem I have is that he has had these issues for years..& I have been pointing out these problems continually for all of the 32 years. Why hasn't he learned to adapt & become a functional person during all this time? I kept drawing the line & saying if something didn't change, it would be over, but never followed through, so he never took me seriousoy. I have finally put down a line that isn't going to be passed by this time. Now I am being told that he can't change that quickly.....geeze, he has been given 32 years of patiently (or not so patiently) explaining what the problems are & what needs to be done to fix them. Now I keep getting told that without meds & therapy, he CAN'T change (because the book says so). The problem I have with that is that yes, meds can definitely make working with changing easier, but my point is that unless he has the DESIRE to change, there isn't any med or therapy in the world that will make him change. He has to want to change in the first place, & that is the part I just don't see.

Are these any of the things you are also going through with his ADHD besides the physical issues? I can definitely understand your frustration with your husband however. I hate feeling like the Mother instead of the wife. It is a tough situation to be in for sure.

It is good to communicate with others in a similar situation to get insight into what others are going through also. Thank you for sharing...& hope you can get him to understand that his behavior isn't acceptable no matter what the reason. People with ADHD have to learn how to function in the world around them just like anyone else with a disability. It isn't a free ticket to being allowed unacceptable behavior.

Debbie