Were your episodes longer or shorter? How long or short? I don't remember. I remember one summer of the only sustained euphoric mania I ever had (4 months of amazing joy) and I remember being depressed a lot. I also remember being off meds for 6 or 8 months and being stable. When bipolar set in for real it was with a pretty long NOT euphoric manic period.

Did you have mini episodes and large ones? I don't remember. I was terrified of the idea I could have bipolar b/c I associated it with my father and so anything that looked bipolar I hid

Was it mostly depression or mostly (hypo)manic?Mostly depression except for the 2 hypomanic episodes above. My wonderful, oh-so-happy summer....aside from barely sleeping all summer but even that was a gift; as a camp counselor someone often needed to be awake and I was great at it

Did you cycle within a given episode or was it pretty solidly up or down?not a clue

Was it a really bad episodes that made you seek treatment, or the gradual realization?I saw a psychiatrist through grad school until he died about the time of my first hypomania in the cycle that continues today happened. I stayed on ADs for years but was treated by family drs. who just kept changing doses and meds. I finally saw another pdoc about 3 years later but she didn't think it was possible to have bipolar and have achieved what I had. So she didn't diagnose me. Eventualy I became quite suicidal and she put me on lithium to treat that. It made the ups and downs more visible and so I became aware of them more and started suspecting. I had to see a specialist in bipolar for a real diagnosis because she couldn't do it since she didn't know people can function with bipolar.

What effect did your undiagnosed/untreated bipolar have on your family, friends, work life, school life, etc? too many ways to begin to describe. Lots of hurt feelings with family on both sides. I got through grad school with good grades but not good relationships with my professors who thought I wasn't stable enough to be able to work (ironic for people who are supposed to help people with disabilities succeed). I didn't really know that you could succeed with bipolar until long after grad school despite having a degree in a psych related field and a BS in psych. I lost all my friends along the way pretty much, most accidentally just b/c I wasn't well enough to remain engaged when I should have.

Were you on antidepressants? If so, did they make you manic or did they simply poop out on you? 11 different ones, all doses of each. Some caused hypomania, some pooped out one dose at a time until they were no good. The effects of ADs were never considered until I was diagnosed and told no more SSRIs ever and avoid other ADs until I was more stable and that they had probably caused damage. I so wish I could go back in time and not try so many under unskilled doctors. But there was no way to know.