It's going to be a new week and while I sincerely hope this is the week I go IP I have a lot of trouble thinking it will be at this point. I feel like I've gotten used to just feeling bad and waiting and that this is my life now. I know my pdoc is trying to help me and that I'll get help eventually this is now blown up so much in my mind. It was bad enough knowing I was going in and could experience any number of things I don't even remember. My pdoc said I can have any symptom the Seroquel has masked and since before Seroquel I was on various other meds to sedate me it's been 15 years since I wasn't sedated. And I don't really remember. I feel I Pandora's box is going to be opened at any moment.

I don't know now if I am more afraid of going in or not going in. I want to feel better and so I'll be glad to go for that reason but I am afraid of what is unknown. Which feels like pretty much everything right now.