Hey Phil, Let me see here, you feel trapped because
you have an invisable illness that doesn't
quite leave you alone and each day nothing changes. The medication your on seems to bring on more
problems than they solve.
Well I understand that you might not like
this "psychotic" labeling this is quite true and I would
say the more "evidence" that happens to reveal itself the more confusion and then the frustration, it sometimes can
snowball into an episode.
The more of the illness you decide to fight
the more understanding and to prepare/triggers and losen
its grip (don't let the negative control) the more you'll
find its not so in your face all the time. Your still
you, all of your strengths and weaknesses, likes and
dislikes, quorkyness, expressions/emotions. You are a
part of the human race, like it or not.
Take care

DB