Thanks OE. I'm in my late 40's now and I've been talking openly (with counselors and people I trust) about the abuse since I was in my 20's. But, I never really thought about the way I sometimes act towards strangers who are friendly and nice. From my perspective, I started attending a new church, some people tried to engage me in conversation (this was over 6 months ago, by the way), and I reacted without thinking. I don't even remember who the specific people were, or exactly what I said to them, but I definitely wasn't friendly in my responses. I realized soon afterward that my responses weren't exactly appropriate, and I've been working on the issue. I think Designing Woman expressed it well: "Basically my thought process is "don't hurt me."

I guess if the congregation is trying to tell me that it's inappropriate to be mean to nice people, then I agree. It's something I've always known, and I'm working on it.

The other real issue is that all I know is that certain people have a problem with me. They let me know by making snide remarks, by snubbing me (just yesterday someone who has an issue with me made a point of saying "hello" to my 7-year old, and then totally ignored my "hello" and my very presence).

If someone has a problem with some specific things I've said and done, then I respect that. But, unless they tell me what specific things they have issues with? (and what exactly they want me to do about it) I can only speculate and guess. I don't like to be put in that position. If I had to guess, I'd say the attitude of some people is "we'll just keep it up until he 'get's it'" But, I doubt even they know what "it" is. Do they want me to leave? I suspect some of them just think I'm a "bad" person, and they won't be happy until I stop being "bad", whatever it is they mean by "bad". And again, I doubt they've even stopped to consider what the "real" issue is (or what is means to be a "bad" person), or what they believe should be done about it.

What I plan on doing is continuing to attend, but maybe check out some other churches from time to time, to see if all churches really do act like this. There are one or two people at the current church who are a little more straightforward. Perhaps I could find a way to describe the issue (the snubbings and snide remarks), and ask for some advice.

I talked to my wife about the situation over the last couple of days (she's really busy with work, so I attend much more often than she does), and it is basically her opinion that most churches operate like this (and she's attended church all her life).