I've said elsewhere that I don't know how I am making it in to work every day, I'm making a lot of mistakes, I'm tired, and I can't focus. Once in a while I've had to leave an hour or so early. The weekends are horrible and this past one was particularly bad with a trigger that set me down late in the day on Sunday and disrupted my sleep again.

I actually emailed and said I might not be in today but in the morning I dragged myself out of bed and got there. I am terrified that if I stay home one day I'll then stay home the next day and the next week and the next month. If I can stay home there's nothing to make me go in.

So I went in today, early before coworkers were there, and completed two quick jobs that were pressing for this week. When people started to arrive I began to feel crushed, so I left. It wasn't even 9:00 yet in the office when I ducked out.

My manager asked if I was OK and I said yes, then he asked if I was lying and I said yes. I came in at 8:15 and left at 8:50 because I feel fine.

I am going to try to get a little more sleep.I still don't have a doctor. If I can gather the energy to make calls today it won't be for a therapist, first I have to straighten out a NEW error on my insurance. I sent a rather nasty email to them over the weekend.

I don't even know where I want to go from here.