I was doing great. Although I still don't have a job I finished Christmas feeling upbeat

I reconnected with friends on Facebook, including some that I have not heard from in 40 years! One was a quiet crush of 10 year old me (and her of me, but that was then, not the reason for reconnect)

I enjoyed political banter back and forth on Facebook, adding both my insights and humour to debates. I stopped taking the meds because the cure (power yawns to the point of spasms and other effects)

I felt alive, bright and rarin' to go

And then one Facebook post. I had joined a thread, posted some comments, some links to back my stand and researched others' so I could develop a counter-argument. One person, a brother of a friend, simply said I was a troll and another whom I never cared for anyway, but got along with because he was a friend of a friend, posted that he was surprised [friend's name] let me even hang out in his circle of friends, as I was a "pretentious know-it-all"

I never cared for him before and now I actively dislike him, but knowing that this was felt behind my back? It crushed me

I was fine. I was almost happy. I searched for jobs with optimism

And now? The thought "50 years is enough for one lifetime" keeps running through my head. I see no hope again. My body even hurts, joining this Grand Guignol of my soul