Thanks Susie I just don't know what is happening. Im so permanently confused. Everything is changing, and Im scared but making things change faster and I don't want them to. I can't predict what Im going to say or do or be from one second to the next. My body is just awful, the aches, the tummy problems, the weakness, the exhaustion, the insomnia. Im so so confused, but not depressed (except when I am) and even though I don't feel depressed Im just constantly trying to fight off the sui and its getting so hard. And because of that effing T, now I want comfort, and to be with someone who cares about me, and for the first time I care that Im on my own and I hate this. Why am I even doing this to myself? Its all so helplessly self induced and I don't understand why I can't just make this all stop.