Were your episodes longer or shorter? How long or short?
My depressive episodes were MUCH longer. Some lasted months, many lasted years (2-4 years at a time).

Did you have mini episodes and large ones?
Mostly large depressive episodes, which I was acutely aware of. In hindsight, though I didn't recognize it at the time, I did have hypomanic episodes that would last for a month or so every now and again.

Was it mostly depression or mostly (hypo)manic?
Mostly depressions with some hypomania. I still have a hard time recognizing episodes in my past - I'm not sure whether some of the times I was ragefully angry were really manic episodes, per se, because they were generally limited in time (a few hours to a few days, perhaps). I still have a hard time recognizing the hypo/mania because I feel like I should feel really good/high at those times; it's hard to accept that my highs are often just extremely irritable and angry episodes that lead to a serious tumble down.

Did you cycle within a given episode or was it pretty solidly up or down?
Large parts of my depressive episodes were pretty solidly down, but I have almost always been able to put on a good face with it outside of the home. I feel like it's almost forced hypomania sometimes (like if I have to attend a public party or something), which leads to a deeper low when I can 'turn off' the public face. My anxiety and agitation when I'm up can crash into depression pretty quickly, so I would say there is a fair bit of cycling within episodes in my past, even though the ups were short-lived relative to the downs.

Was it a really bad episodes that made you seek treatment, or the gradual realization?
I went to a therapist for anxiety and a feeling of being out of control of my emotions. Things that seemed like I should be able to take them in stride would cause me to break down emotionally into tears - much of it related to grief from my dad's death (I thought). It was embarrassing. So I found a therapist for CBT to help me with that. The more we talked through things, though, the more it became apparent that I was struggling with more than I realized. When we finally got to the BP2 diagnosis, it was terrifying (from family history) and a relief to learn that many of the things that I just thought were weird quirks of mine were actually symptoms of BP (pressured speech, the anxiety, the uncontrollable urges, the hypo behaviors, and even the depression).

What effect did your undiagnosed/untreated bipolar have on your family, friends, work life, school life, etc?
My work life was relatively unaffected. I do work from home, and sometimes I don't put in as much work as I should because I find it so hard to motivate to do anything. Other times, though, I'll put in 12-14 hour days for specific projects with deadlines. The kind of work I do sort of plays to the BP cycle in that way, but I think it probably also promotes a little bit of instability because I have to put in those longer hours when they come up, which can lead to a natural low afterwards - sort of a recovery time. As for friends, I have a really hard time staying in touch once I'm away from whatever situation led to the friendship (geography, school, work, etc.). I only have a couple of really good friends, and the rest I know I wouldn't keep in touch with on my own. Only two of my friends are aware of my BP. I know the depressive episodes and the anxiety and pressured speech while I'm hypo have led to lapsed friendships. That's one reason why I don't try to make too many friends in the first place. As for family, the irritability and anger was always an issue for me growing up with my siblings. I was not allowed to display it at home, particularly around my parents, so I got in trouble for that and learned to bottle everything up and stay silent. As I got older, this carried over into my marriage. It made it nearly impossible to discuss anything real I felt. The depressive episodes took a major toll on my marriage, as did the irritability when I was hypo. It sucks that I was depressive during the first 4 years of my son's life and practically the first 8 of my daughter's, with a few hypo episodes intermixed. There was never really much stability in there. I would explode with anger when I got overwhelmed, and my reactions were horrible for my kids. The last couple of years since my DX have been so much better. I've learned to discuss where I am and how I'm feeling with my husband, which has helped tremendously with our marriage. It's also helped to significantly shorten my episodes - I think part of the reason the depressions used to be so long is that any energy I could muster during those times I used up trying to pretend I wasn't depressed. Denying it prolonged it.

Were you on antidepressants? If so, did they make you manic or did they simply poop out on you?
My post-partum depression was untreated after my daughter. I took ADs after I had my son for PPD, because the PPD was much worse and I remembered that it never really got better in the 4 years between the two of them. The ADs (from my general practitioner) just made me completely apathetic. No emotions at all - my husband was never sure that was any better than the depression. I'm not sure, either. It was still awful. I stopped those after awhile (6-8 months, maybe? could have been longer...). Since then, I haven't taken any prescriptions, but my therapist suggested I try a natural supplement that some people have success with. They are working for me, so I take them twice a day. I forgot once for a couple of weeks, and the up and down cycles hit me pretty hard before I remembered that I stopped taking them. I'm pretty consistent about it now. Between the supplements and the CBT I had with my therapist, I can now recognize some of the physical manifestations of my cycles (anxiety, particularly) when they happen, but I don't get the mental aspect of it a lot of the time - I used to have internal 'stories' that went along with my anxiety, but they're mostly gone now. For example, when my anxiety levels rose, I would start to worry about someone I love getting in a car accident, or imagine someone coming to my door to tell my my child/husband/etc. had died. These were pretty vivid. Now, I feel just the tension and physical parts of the anxiety. I recognize that it's happening in my body, but it doesn't happen in my mind so much anymore. On the depression side of the scale, I still get it, but it's limited often to a couple of days or a week or two, maybe, and it's not a consistent low - I still can feel normal parts of those days sometimes. That's not to say it's all gone - I still get times of being hypo and times of being depressed, but it's usually not as extreme as it once was. I'm hopeful this can last. I'm also feeling pretty stable right this minute, so I imagine that's coloring a bit of my descriptions here.