Prior to the "The Great Awakening"- our conscious acceptance and awareness of our multipledom, the "I" (the body's living singular identity) was a living illusion involuntarily created from early childhood and born out of unawareness. Each of the "Others" (alters) conscious ran through this area (co-conscious) giving the system a single identity in mind and thought. "I" was self-aware as a singleton.

Through this collective thinking, "I" acknowledged that something was "off". Silently suffering, "I" experienced different head voices, changing ideas and perceptions, an ever changing head voice, missing/jumbled memories, DP/DR, time jumps, dissociation, emotional breakdowns, changing personality traits, altering likes/dislikes,...

I hope this makes some sense in wording, idea and thought. It's taken me a little bit (about a year) to put this all together... a picture of our fragmented functioning mind.

So, in conclusion, there is 2 views presented here. One- a living singular conscious fragmented into varying degree of parts. Or two- distinct parts that share a single conscious with varying degrees of co-consciousness. I believe we are number two.

If anyone has a question or correction, feel free to say or ask, I don't mind. I'll try to respond if and when I get to get back out.

Tell me about yours, it'll help me understand mine more better.

Wow that was good insight. when I do this much analyzing into my fragmented states, my therapist says my mind is "doing it's thing" to keep myself busy to avoid the pain and that it's another defense mechanism. I don't think ANYONE gets what it's like to feel like you are in pieces inside. The compulsion to "get a grip" on what's going on forces me to investigate, analyze and try to come up with likely conclusions. If only to get things to calm down for yet another period of time, however long (or short) until things get in upheaval again.

thank you so much for posting this! I am a 48 yo female who has been suffering tremendously with severe dissociative symptoms since I woke up at 23. I've never gotten anyone to acknowledge a dissociative disorder. Only that my dissociating is part of my PTSD. I wish I understood better but it's like being in a rabbit hole w/o a flashlight and it's very hard to figure it out from "in here", right?

can I talk with you more to get some more info and share stuff back and forth? you sound very intelligent (I always was too) I use the past tense because this condition and medications over so many years is just plain dumbing me down I think.

I still don't even know what's the matter with me when I go through these fragmented periods. I feel like my identity and sense of self falls apart and I life in a tormented period filled with confusion, horrible physical symptoms in my head, and severe terror trying to just be with whatever it is that's happening to me.

I'd really like to talk more. it helps so much. I haven't been on this site for over 10 years I think. I didn't even know I had a dissociative disorder when I was. OMG what a long, difficult life this has been. does it ever end? can it ever truly heal? can there be peace of mind with a strong sense of I AM ... ever???

I'm glad I signed on at work and read this post you wrote. I feel less alone already.
thank you for your courage and honesty.

susan