I can relate to your title, I feel the same. I've never felt accepted or 'fitted-in' with my family. I feel outcasted, the black sheep, the scapegoat. You feel you've committed murder since you get people who use to talk, no longer talk to you. I feel sad about it as I was close to some of these relatives. Unfortunately the next generation who are now entering adulthood I do believe have been contaminated by my siblings, sad. So they will carry on the toxic dysfunction in their lives and heads. I value truth and open communication but I find my family is not interested. Many years ago, i moved interstate to survive and find myself. It's working. I hope you can too once your mental health improves. There's a lot of great Youtube videos about survivors dealing with narcissists and dysfunctional families. Check them out!

PH