Khione, I remember being 18 and the hell it was acutely (and I don't even want to admit how long ago that was - ugh). For what it's worth, I think amandalouise meant well. I think she meant to encourage you, but I can see where she made some assumptions that made you feel judged. I'm sorry that made you feel that way when you really do need support. I just wanted you to know I think her post was coming from a good place, but easily misunderstood.

Regardless, on to you. It sounds like you are in a difficult, downright heartwrenching place right now. Your boyfriend has moved because of his parents worries that you aren't what is best for him. I know that feeling too well. My husband's parent would probably dance on my grave if they could. It hurts.

Then you have had a dream swept out from under you like a rug, and here you are standing alone. It sounds like you have had a lot of time alone. And again, for what it's worth, I know that feeling too well too. I spent my teen years from somewhere around 12 till I moved out at 17 home alone 90% of the time, even holidays sometimes. My brother was off to college, my mother was going to school full time and working 3rd shift, and my Dad was either in Mexico or Japan at any given time, just not with us. And I lived way out in the country with only the world's creepiest neighbor for a mile around - man would he just stare like a scarecrow from a hundred yards away. Yuck. But I digress. Anyway, I get that. I really do.

I listened to a lot of music, read a ton of books, worked my horse, played the piano, and that was about it. Dating myself here, but there was no Internet then.

So now that you know just a little about me when I was a bit younger than you, I'll tell you just a bit about myself at your age. I moved out at 17 and never went back home. I was an idiot. Did most of the stupid stuff that teenagers in small-town USA did in the 90s, finally went to University at 17, dropped out after a semester for health reasons, lack of mental health care, a dumb boy (he didn't seem dumb at the time) and being abandoned by my parents. They both couldn't wait to be rid of me. Divorced already, they both remarried within months and moved into their new spouses houses with their families. Sold our house, my horse, got rid of all my beloved pets and got on with their lives as if they couldn't get rid of me fast enough. Still hurts remembering this part of my life. It threw my whole world upside down and inside out. Again, I'm telling you this because I think you would understand and I want you to know that what I say next is not meant to be judgy or preachy at all. It's just the voice of pain, survival, experience, and sympathy. Your story really touched me and I really relate and want somehow to help you.

So yah, the help part. I know there's nothing I can really do to help. I mean we're across a pretty vast ocean from each other, but I get what you're feeling. Even now I have to take a stinking xanax just to get the nerve to call my therapist.

If I may give you any advice at all it would be to do the best you can. Right now, it sounds like you are very depressed and I can see why you would feel that way. But is there something that you like? It's your year, you're 18. It's your life. You are young. Are there things that you are passionate about? Art maybe? For me it was actually dog training and the environment. So when I got my own place big enough for a dog, I got my 1st GSD at 19 and started training. I went out into the wilderness, studied plants. I found things I loved and when my parents said it was a bad idea, I was all the more determined to do it. Lol. I got a job bartending that my Mom really frowned on and I loved it! So many interesting people from so many interesting places. Anyway, do you have any dreams, crazy ideas, whatever? Maybe you could write about all you've been through and are going through while you have this time, and sell the story. I don't know. Just as long as it's something you want. Can you go visit your boyfriend perhaps?

Also, know that when you call a therapist, you are the one in control. You decide if you like them. If not, try another. You are obviously smart and interesting, I imagine you could do just about anything if you want to.

Good luck, sister. Something else about life I have learned. The days are long, but the years are short. This too shall pass.