There isn't just grief and depression in that story, there is also trauma. How scary that must have been for you. Trauma is an evil thing that pops up whenever you least want it to. Combined with grief and bipolar that's a big load to bear.

I'm glad you talked to your mom. I think that if you want to try meds before ECT that is understandable and may not even delay ECT too long; if you try meds and they don't work and you decide you are ready for ECT it won't take long to get started unless your hospital is my hospital .

I hope the appointment goes well tomorrow and gives you something that you feel good about.