I would flip out too. Hope you're ok now. Curious why you don't go to ER when it's really bad like this? If you want to get in at hospital, wouldn't they have to take you? Have you considered going off benzo's? I loved em was on em for years & withdrawl was evil, still feel it sometimes after 9 months but it's getting better. It's just benzo's are known to worsen depression. It's very tricky & pdoc should know best. But something's gotta change here to help get you relief. Just wondering of you've considered that.
Keep writing so you can show to pdoc & therapist, that's such a good thing. I'd like to start doing that. I forget to say a lot of what I meant to at those appointments. When manic tho I cannot barely get typing or a pencil to keep up with my mind. Much love