Is there something you could do without reaching out to your ex-T? Like having a private ritual to mark the grief and pain you feel? The only reason I say that is because it might hurt more. Everyone's different but for me, reaching out would be a form of giving power over to her. By reaching out I'd be enhancing the power instead of diminishing it. Whereas if I grieved in a way that was private, with those who I trust and love, I'd be working on reducing her power in my life.

Could you write a poem and then burn it? Then maybe do something very special for yourself in the form of self-care?