Hi Junk, I know I am very late in saying this but I've just read this whole thread and wanted to tell you that as you told your story on here I never once thought of you as gross. I am so sorry you feel like this about yourself and think that others will too but I can honestly say that this was not my perception of you as I read through your story. I just see someone with the courage to share what they have gone through and I admire you. The words gross, dirty or disgusting never once entered my head (the only judgements I made were about your ex T) and I hope that you will see that too and that the responses here will help you to heal. I am glad you have a good T now.