I feel horribly disgusting today
I am probably the grossest, most messed up person on the planet
And not just because of the abuse but because of how the abuse affects me
Like I am just so disgusting
I hate how easily scared I am how one little trigger can keep me awake all night too scared to move from my bed even to pee
I hate how I find pleasure in really strange things
I hate how I am so stuck on the abuse that I cant seem to get it out of my mind
I hate how I have spent the last three days in a terrible fear of him coming back or him tracking my computer and my phone or of him finding me somehow
I hate using my phone because I'm scared every second he's tracking it and before I know it he'll be at my doorstep
I hate it I hate it H hateit I hate it I hate it