Dear T,

As hard as it is for me to even admit it to myself, I miss you. So much it hurts and makes me so ashamed and scared. I feel so far away from you. I'm holding on to the little jar of sand you're letting me keep for now. It helps, but I still miss you. I hope you get the cancellation on Friday. Waiting until Monday seems so far away. Please don't disappear. This is the scariest stuff I've ever talked about with anyone, so please don't change your mind that everything I feel and say is okay. I was finally able to at least write out more of what I'm thinking in my journal this morning. It's at least out on paper now. That's a step in the right direction, right? But just reading it in my head makes me so ashamed. How am I ever going to speak it out loud? I've decided to try not to deny and stuff my feelings with you. So the truth is that I love you... I love that you care enough about me to want to stay by my side through everything and you're not scared by me and my past. I believe you when you say that. It took me forever and a day and about a million reminders, but I do believe you. So thank you for that. It's something I've never had with anyone before. I hope to see you Friday but if I don't, I'll carry the little jar of sand with me until Monday.

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